it’s the colorless picture;

i really do only come to this site when i feel like shit. i haven't felt like this in months. but i guess it's been months since i have spoken to him. i am really confused. i loved him and he betrayed me and treated me terribly. and i'd forgotten about it until now and i don't know if i can go through it again
how can i forgive you when i still blame both of us for the end of everything. everything means nothing to me.
i probably want to die.

i really need to get my life in order, i am so fucking scattered it hurts to think of what i am doing.
i am only 17, but i want to just be happy, married, in love and in a fucking pattern.
i don't see the need in going out and getting drunk and being with randoms.
i just want an apprenticeship as a florist, steady boyfriend and stabilized moods. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

if i had the ability to change a regrettable decision, i would probably change everything i have ever done that i had to think twice about. ever getting involved with certain people, doing certain things. i hate the fact that i apologise for something ridiculous at least twice a day that i probably had nothing to do with. i honestly do not see the point anymore.
not existing seems the viable option, but alas, it isn't an option.
mother fuckers. i'm gonna be a mute.

i miss the old days. everything was just so much better.